How Would You Respond?
You are suturing the wound of an elderly demented woman who, while discussing the long wait to be seen, correctly states that "There sure were a lot of blacks in the waiting room." Her family is horrified and embarrassed.
You:
1) Inform the patient that it's not politically correct to make any comments whatsoever about people of another race, even if accurate.
2) Cite the study you read in the Annals about the relative overutilization of Emergency Departments by African-Americans.
3) Reply "Yes, we're pretty busy tonight" as you sew faster.
4) Say "Wow, the Aricept must be working!"
5) Tell an off-color joke.
6) _________________
You:
1) Inform the patient that it's not politically correct to make any comments whatsoever about people of another race, even if accurate.
2) Cite the study you read in the Annals about the relative overutilization of Emergency Departments by African-Americans.
3) Reply "Yes, we're pretty busy tonight" as you sew faster.
4) Say "Wow, the Aricept must be working!"
5) Tell an off-color joke.
6) _________________
Labels: ER, full moon, getting old, surveys
posted by scalpel at 7:13 PM
27 Comments:
3) Reply "Yes, we're pretty busy tonight"
It's aging and dementia at work; she's not running on all her cylinders.
6) "Thank God it wasn't the Irish, like last night!"
(Best if she's Irish, but acceptable--marginally--since *I* am.)
Dazzle her with sophistry.
6. Yeah, I make about as much money from them as I do from your Medicare.
That's the worst I could think of on such short notice. Try not to hold it against me.
I think if she's old, she's come from a different age, where they had different attitudes, it's nothing to hold against her. I think no.3 actually a pretty clever reply.
I remember when my little brother said, 'I don't like people with brown faces'.
We certainly aren't racist, but every black person he'd met, had been mean to him.
And it was just a case of saying; 'Not all of them are like that, you've just been unlucky to meet a few that weren't nice to you.'
He's really good friends with a kid who's black now. He was young, and learned.
She's old, and has learned the opposite, and it would take a while for her to learn the opposite.
If there were a lot of black people, what is the problem with her saying that? She might as well have said that there were a lot of children in the waiting room, what would you think then? I don't see the difference.
I like PJ's answer if you can figure out what the patient's ethnicity is.
I like number 3 too - I'm with Tony on that one.
At the same time, I don't know if I wouldn't be tempted spit out a wise-assed, totally inappropriate remark of some sort that would send the family into orbit. I'm sure that whatever I'd be thinking I'd have to suppress it... Probably something on the idea of the blank stare coupled with, "and your point is...." as I continued to work.
Great to see you back!
As a hospice nurse I visit people in their homes. More than once (but truthfully not that often, either) I've heard the "N" word, and not just from the ill and demented.
I have taken the path of not responding to any comments such as this. I either change the subject or behave as if the comment had not been said.
Of course, I am a visitor in their home and can thrown out. But the predominate reason I take a passive approach is that nothing I say or do in response will change the fact that these people are jerks.
The more intelligent people understand right away that you haven't appreciated his or her comment when you say nothing.
My purpose at that given moment is to help someone who is dying. I just stick to that. Sometimes that involves putting up with jerks.
Demented people aren't responsible for the things they say (even if it accurately reflects their character).
Cut slack as thou wouldst have slack cut for thee. America was profoundly and loudly racist in the pre-civil rights era. People could say things that are rightly shunned now. Some folks rolled with it. Some folks did not. Demented people are disinhibited anyway. I hope people treat me with dignity when I'm old and gaga.
How about..
Happy Cinco De Mayo?
heh heh
I can't wait to be demented. I will go on rants about "those fucking democrats," just like my demented grandfather.
In regards to the patients comment, I would just ignore it. The elderly deserve a little leniency due to ignorance. Except when they are driving in the fast lane doing 50.
I am SURE you said number 3. But saying something like "Hey, I look all white but my dad was black!!" might have been more clever.
Yeah, I said #3.
ask her what i wish i could ask anyone who complains about wait time-
WHAT TIME WAS YOUR APPOINTMENT FOR, AGAIN???
Aren't we jumping to conclusions about what she meant?
I would expect that she is someone who grew up in a different time with different attitudes toward people seen as different. Society has largely changed in its view toward people who are different. Now we tend to discriminate against people who might not have been politically correct enough in their comments. We still have a bunch of racists out there, but that doesn't mean we should treat other races as pathetic incompetents who need to be protected from unpleasantness. That attitude is no less racist.
When I read this, my first thought was that the patient is black. That punchline does not seem to be coming.
How do we know what she meant?
The number of black people in the old country was very small, when I was there, and I may still think I am there.
I don't get out much, so the people I see every day look pretty much like me, therefore that is my idea of normal.Maybe she sees this as an indication of financial inequality, that so many black people are coming to the ED for primary care. Or that so many black people are in such poor health that they are overrepresented in the ED waiting room.
She might, if not for her dementia, use the PC term African American, which includes white immigrants from Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe), South Africa, and other post-colonial African nations.
While we do not know what she meant without asking her questions, or just listening to more of what she might say on the topic, we can guess a bit from the response of the family.
That her statement made the family uncomfortable suggests that they do not condone racism. If the family does not condone racism, part of that is likely to be her doing. How much of our behavior is our environment? How much is our genes? A big topic, but few claim that our environment has nothing to do with our behavior.
She had something to do with raising a family that is uncomfortable with the expression of sentiments that, at least superficially, appear discriminatory against blacks.
Do we judge her based on one statement out of an entire lifetime. A lifetime we know almost nothing about. A statement that might have meant something entirely different from what we assume.
Being Irish, I kind of like PJ's response. It is one I have used before. I have also heard it used before by people who were not Irish and were not trying to express a sense of humor. Not being Irish, they may be severely handicapped in the expression of humor. ;-)
Nor did these appear to be some sorts of Modest Proposal. Humor is usually the best response, but misinterpreting the patient's intent can really mess up what is intended as a punchline. Not that I have ever done that. ;-)
Simply reply
"Where!"
Or it could just be that she's old and addlebrained, and instead of being a jerk and thinking ill of her, you could let it go.
Christ, some people take themselves entirely too fucking seriously, and need to calm down, lest they come off as sanctimonious assholes.
(Please note, Scalpel, that this ire was not directed at you.)
She was simply stating an indisputable fact, a statement that on its own merit was completely free of malice. How we interpret that statement perhaps reveals more about ourselves than about her.
Much more politely (and less profanely) than I put it!
Politely smile (ignoring her comment) and change the subject by paying her compliment...lie "you have beautiful eyes.."... a little flatterly from the doctor make her glad she waited all that time for the excellent care that you provide.
I like what Liz said and what scalpel has added just above this.
I can't even understand why this is an issue at all. You said she was old and demented. I have heard demented people say a lot of worse things. I think many people ought to look up the definition of dementia and then take back their comments. Dementia usually means you aren't in complete control of your thought processes. I would have ignored it.
I would have said " I know alot of people and some of those friends are Black!" to me it has nothing to do with their color or race, it is what is in their heart and that they are good people, as for any race or color if they happen to be jerks or run their loud mouths, then those are the ones who deserve to be commented on, and classified as idiots" no matter what color they are, Stacy
simply SMILE & move on
it is a hospital, after all.
I think we might be overanalyzing it a bit.
Just a bit.
San Antonio has a whopping 7% black population. So it might be a bit unusual if you went to one of the ERs around here--especially, say, at Southwest General Hospital, which is in a heavily Mexican area--and saw a whole bunch of black people. Just the same as it would be pretty unusual to go out to the VA hospital and see a bunch of young people. (Disclaimer: I've actually never been to their ER. That could well be where the young'uns are.) And people tend to notice and comment upon unusual happenings.
I'm not sure why we have to write a person off as demented or "from a different time" to attempt to explain away a comment on reality.
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