Idiot of the Day

via Instapundit

If I'm the one who is going to put gas in your car and pay your mortgage, how about making me a sammich?

Feline Attack!

This poor young girl was viciously attacked by an unknown animal and will likely require major reconstructive surgery if she is going to survive.

There were no witnesses, and the prime suspect is still at large:

Tranquilizer Dart

I have long wondered if these might be a good idea in the ER instead of the two imperfect options we currently use for involuntary sedation:

1) The long drawn-out negotiation followed (sometimes) by grudging acceptance of sedative

OR

2) The takedown followed by physical restraints and surprise manual injection of sedative into whatever meaty body part is available

If the patient is going to get a shot against his will, then a tranquilizer gun might be safer for everyone involved.
But would it work?

via CollegeHumor.

I wish the video was just a little bit longer....

Spreading the Wealth

Since it appears that America is headed towards obligatory Socialism courtesy of our imminent Democrat overlords, I have come up with a plan to spread the wealth in the Emergency Department. Instead of providing excellent medical care to the relatively few patients who are fortunate to receive my outstanding personal attention, I have decided that after the election I will redistribute my efforts so that I can provide average care to a few more patients per shift. I don't mind lowering my standards for the benefit of society as a whole, and hopefully the patients who wanted superior medical treatment will be satisfied with the assembly line experience instead. If they are patriotic, they will understand.

It seems that the sickest 5% of patients are taking up entirely too much of my time, so I'm going to stop giving so much attention to those with heart attacks and strokes. I just want to make sure that everybody who is behind them with chronic back pain or poison ivy, that they've got a chance too. They shouldn't have to wait longer to be seen just because they were triaged to a lower acuity level. My attitude is that if the ER is good for folks from the bottom up, it's gonna be good for everybody.

I've decided to be more generous with narcotics as well. Instead of giving the most narcotics to those relatively few patients with severe trauma or kidney stones, I'm going to redistribute some of those opiates to patients with conditions like migraines or fibromyalgia instead. The guy with the broken femur is still going to get his shot, but he's going to have to give up a piece of his pie so that the homeless lady with a toothache can have a piece. That should be good for a bump in my Press Ganey polls. How many people really break their femurs, anyway? None in my neighborhood.

I can't wait to see how my new ideas are going to work out. After all these years of failed, misguided, and unjust policies, it's definitely time for a change in the ER. And those of us who have experienced the agony of a bad toothache can agree...we are the ones we've been waiting for. For the first time in my adult life, I'm going to be proud of my profession.

Medical Oddities

Number 4 - World's largest hand

Oddee is a very interesting site. I'm hooked!

Check out the cat bomb.

A Small and an Enormous Thing

"I saw some things I can’t get out of my head."

A first year med student is "incredibly freaked out" after a day at Planned Parenthood.


via Conservative Grapevine

Want a Motorcycle?

Are you sure?

Be cautious of the "real nasty stuff" link at the bottom of the page. Not for the faint of heart.

I'm sort of fond of the Honda in the picture above, myself.

UTMB Hit Hard by Ike

The University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston, TX was established in 1891 and is known as the oldest medical school west of the Mississippi River. Last year, there were more than 37,000 admissions to UTMB hospitals, nearly 764,000 outpatient visits, and almost 71,000 emergency room visits. More than 12,000 faculty and staff work at UTMB’s main campus and its network of community-based clinics, making UTMB by far the biggest employer on Galveston island.

After sustaining a direct hit by Hurricane Ike, UTMB has been slow to recover and its future is in jeopardy. UTMB suffered over $700 million in damages from Ike with only $100 million covered by insurance, and given their $50 million per month payroll and impaired ability to generate income, this week university officials were warning of massive layoffs of up to 4,000 employees.

While UTMB president David Callender and UT System Chancellor Kenneth Chine said there would be no layoffs for now, they painted a very bleak financial picture for UTMB and acknowledged that jobs would be cut in the future.

The medical branch, which operates a hospital, research laboratories and a medical school, would return, but not as it was, Callender said.

Callender said that John Sealy Hospital, which supplies the bulk of the jobs at UTMB, would be reduced from a 600-bed facility to 200 beds. He also floated the idea that the hospital could be moved to a location in League City.

In my opinion, the fall of UTMB would represent the biggest tragedy of Hurricane Ike, and I hope that they can eventually survive this storm as they once survived the Great Hurricane of 1900.

Excuses

Expanding on the previous post, here are some of the reasons people give for not wanting to be admitted to the hospital, along with my replies:

1) I don't want my (family member) to worry about me.
How worried will they be when they find your cold dead body in the morning?

2) I need to feed my dogs.
Who is going to feed them after you're dead? Call them.

3) I have a big presentation tomorrow.
This is what sick days are for. A heart attack is an excused absence.

4) I'm flying to ______ in the morning.
It's not safe for you to fly.

5) I can't afford to be admitted.
You can't afford not to be.

Things to Do

Two patients in the aftermath of the hurricane both had problems with perspective, and both produced the exact same quote.

The first had suffered a minor laceration and was in a big hurry to get back to her un-air-conditioned powerless home.

"How long is this going to take? I've got things I need to do."

Yeah, I had a few things I needed to do too, but instead I came to work on my day off so you could get on with your life just a little bit sooner. You're welcome. And no, I don't think I can get a plastic surgeon to come put three stitches in your leg, sorry.

The second patient appeared to have suffered a stroke earlier in the day, but she refused admission. She also had some things she needed to do. I hope she finished them all.