Chronic Painer Revenge Fantasy
"This has led me to create my own pain scale, one which uses very objective criteria and which has the advantage of firmly establishing an objective, empirical baseline in the doctor's mind from which he can better understand and rate his patient's pain as well as measure its impact on the patient's life. Unfortunately, this scale only works with male doctors.
To use my scale, first grasp the doctor firmly by the lapels. Now, while simultaneously releasing a loud "Ki-Ai!" Karate shout, bring your knee vigorously into your doctor's testicles. While the doctor is on the ground writhing in agony and trying to catch his breath, explain to him "That's what level 10 feels like." After giving him a minute or so to regain his composure, kick him in the shins, telling him "that's what level 7 feels like." Now spin him around and give him a firm boot in the ass, and say "that's level five." Follow this up with a couple of slaps in the mouth, which will rate a "3." When you are done establishing these objective pain-rating baselines, bend over and give him a gentle pat on the back and say "that's level one."
Sean, I would love for you to try that out sometime. But my question for you is, if you are already at a "level 10" from your chronic mystery pain and someone were to hypothetically spray you in the eyes with pepper spray, stab you in the neck with a pencil, or break your elbow by vigorously hyperextending it, would that not bother you at all because you're already maxed out, or would your pain level go up to a 15 or so? Just wondering.
And I would also like to mention this excellent observation from girlvet, who recently posted:
"I have seen a couple of people get out of control when they didn't get their narcs. I read an article in emergency medicine magazine that takes about a doctors role in treated chronic pain in the emergency setting. What's fascinating about it is that the author says that 50% of chronic pain sufferers have personality disorders or affective disorders. I can vouch for that. They wear you out, the people who come in for chronic pain because they are people who are neurotic and difficult to work with. Antidepressants have been found to be very helpful in these people, along with psychological help. They seldom get it."
And if anyone reading this happens to work in an Emergency Department in New York and is unfortunate enough to come across this gentleman....you might want to guard your nuts.